Daddy has had a mixed holiday. I have tried to keep him entertained but sometimes there really is no pleasing the man. Usually we do about six things to keep us entertained. Daddy is quite good at these games but he needs to improve in a few areas.
Game One: This game starts when Mummy says “You need to…” to Daddy in her “eat your vegetables” voice and I know that Daddy is being set some kind of chore usually to do with tidying something. It is fun to play household chores with Daddy. For a long time I didn’t know what chores were, but when I asked Daddy he said it was “going around in bloody circles doing the same thing over and over”. There must be some part of this game that I don’t understand because whenever I make a mess in the room that Daddy has just tidied up so that he can do the same thing over and over Daddy gets really cross with me even when I laugh and try to show him how much fun it is.
Game Two: When Daddy is on the computer I like to ask him questions. Sometimes he watches people singing songs on the computer, but he won’t let me watch these anymore after we watched half a Rihanna song together and I asked why she kept scratching her bum. Daddy said that it wasn’t her bum, so I asked why she was scratching her vagina. Daddy seemed lost in thought for a while, and then turned the computer off and took me to the park.
Game Three: I love playing knock knock jokes with Daddy. My favourite knock knock joke is:
It’s ok darling, don’t cry.
I’m not sure why, but Daddy doesn’t like this joke anymore. He used to love it, but now when we start the joke and I say boo he seems sort of sad. When he tries to tell a knock knock joke he usually gets them wrong because he forgets to say “boo who” at the end, and when I try and correct him he gets cross.
Daddy: Knock, knock.
Me: Who’s there?
Me: Arch who?
Daddy: Do you have a cold?
Me: Boo who.
Daddy: That’s not how it ends.
Me: You say boo who.
Daddy: No, it means you are coughing like – arch whooooo!
Me: Boo who.
Game Four: Sometimes Daddy tries to write songs on his guitar, but they’re not very good. They have too many words, and he needs to cheer up a bit. Good songs are things like Old McDonald Had a Farm, and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star. Any song with sound effects is good. Wheels on the Bus. That’s a good song. I have been writing Daddy some songs. They are usually called something like Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, I love you Daddy, Daddy. That’s all the words too, you just repeat them over and over and over and the music is just pushing any keys on the piano. Daddy says he really enjoys my songs best when I close my bedroom door and he goes out in the garden.
Game Five: I like to play this game when Violet comes over. It’s called Mummy and Daddy are dead and we can do whatever we want. Violet and I like to imagine that Mummy and Daddy died and that our brother is Tiger, and we tell each sad stories about all the lovely things that Mummy and Daddy did so that we can remember them. Then we think about all the food we could eat, and all the play dates we could have, and all the walls we could draw on with felt pens. Usually when we play this game Daddy has a funny look on his face; I think he is imagining something too.
Game Six: We play this game every night when I go to bed. Daddy pretends that I’ll just agree to go to bed, get into my pyjamas, climb into bed and fall asleep, and I show him that he’s wrong. I win if he cries. Sometimes I win really early by just refusing to get off the couch and go and brush my teeth. Sometimes I like to play with Daddy and pretend there is a secret order to all the steps that he only has to get right and then I will go to bed. For example sometimes I pretend I like a drink of water before and after I brush my teeth from the pink cup with cold water and then a piggy back ride to my bunk bed ladder where I wait while he gets a chair, and then he catches me and spins me three times and puts me in bed. Sometimes I pretend that the order is different. If he gets it wrong I shout at him and lie on the floor. He doesn’t seem to understand that I make up the order every night.
I hope that by the end of the holidays Daddy will be able to:
- Explain all the rules to “chores”
- Explain why Rihanna was scratching herself
- Tell knock knock jokes properly
- Listen to my song for a whole morning in my room
- Let us play Mummy and Daddy Are Dead for real
- Stop letting me win the going to bed game so easily
I’ll let you know how he goes.